Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Commuter Terrorists - The Dive Bomber

When he comes crashing down...
One of the most valuable things that you can hope to achieve in the commuter hell is an available seat. Having a seat means that you are shielded from the battle raging back and forth among the poor sods standing in front of you. A seat can mean the difference between a horrible ride and a reasonably comfortable one. The Sleeper Agents may try to invade your space, but they are reasonably easy to repel most of the time.

Having a seat usually gives two hands free to pick up the iPad, book, gaming device or phone to read a magazine, book, play a game or watch a movie compared to how both hands often are needed when standing just to be able to remain standing due to the ebb and flow of the passengers as the train accelerates, brakes, twist and turn. The seat is sacred and worth fighting for. Experienced Subway Warriors know this and respect what the seat stands for and the personal space it provides.

However, one Commuter Terrorist that you can encounter is the Dive Bomber... The Dive bomber sees an open seat next to you, often an available seat with limited space between two sitting Subway Warriors. The Dive Bomber turns around and very ungracefully dumps his ass (female Dive Bombers are very rare as most a larger than average body size is required) with horrible accuracy, half ending up in your lap with quite some force, before he roughly goes ahead to squeeze himself down in the seat. Sometimes some Terrorists starts off as Dive Bombers and when comfortably squeezed in the seat, turn into Sleeper Agents...

On the other hand, inexperienced commuters can often be identified by how carefully they check behind them (often profusely apologizing) and lower their behind in slow-motion, careful to not accidentally touch any of the passengers on either side of the seat they are targeting. These amateurs are slightly annoying but at least try to do their best to not invade any personal space.

However a true Subway Warrior has perfected the sitting down into a work of art. You can tell an experienced Subway Warrior from the way he/she sits down in a seat with limited space. Basically the move from standing to basically pouring oneself down in the seat in one fluid motion, quickly and if brushing the persons on either side ever so slightly, quickly compensating to just pour into place.

For those of you reading this and are dedicated to the Way of the Subway Warrior, my advice to you on how to master the art of sitting down on the train is: 

Don't get set into one form, adapt it and build your own, and let it grow, be like Teflon. Empty your mind, be formless, frictionless — like Teflon. Be Teflon, my friend. 

Thursday, October 11, 2012

The true face of fear...

You shouldn't have gone on the slide before the change!
After I became a father, first to toddler Sunshine and then Baby Salaryman my priorities in life has changed radically. My outlook to life is probably about the same, but having kids has changed the way I look upon life. The biggest change is of course that it's not all about me anymore, of course Mrs. Sunshine and the family has always been important, but in the end they can take care of themselves. With small children you have to watch out for them and put their needs ahead of your own.

My fears have also changed considerably. Before I had children, my greatest fear was perhaps becoming paralyzed after a horrible accident, getting a nasty form of brain cancer or something similar. 

However, now, my greatest fear is realizing that Toddler Sunshine just did a nasty poo, reaching for the diaper only to have her running away giggling, getting on a slide and slowly making her way down applying great friction to her butt and turning a somewhat nasty, but salvageable, situation into a clean-up nightmare...

(Also for some reason Mrs. Sunshine strongly dislikes it when I measure the fecal output of Toddler Sunshine in estimation of grams as it reminds her of packages of minced meat, which is oddly enough what I use in my head for comparison... Women are odd...


Monday, October 8, 2012

Kim Jong Un Sends Autographs to Officials and Workers of Various Units

(First of all, again, sorry for the lack of posting! Some travel in work resulting in over two weeks of continuous jet-lag made the blog suffer a bit. Also, sorry for starting to use the annoying word verification when writing comments but recently I've gotten flooded with over 50 spam comments a day...

A recent hot news from the KOREAN CENTRAL NEWS AGENCY of DPRK that I felt was too good to not share with you all:

Pyongyang, October 4 (KCNA) -- The dear respected Kim Jong Un sent autographs to officials and other workers at various units and teachers and students on Sept. 13 and 27 after reading their letters.

In the letters they expressed their determination to make a dynamic advance in close unity under the leadership of the party, bearing deep in mind warm love and trust shown by the great men of Mt. Paektu.

Among them were officials and employees of the Tanchon Area General Mining Bureau, the construction site of Orangchon Power Station, Electric Power Designing Institute No. 1, Pyongyang Tangogi Restaurant, Phyongnam Noodle Restaurant and the Wheat Cake Stuffed with Roast Chicken Shop of the Kumsong Foodstuff Factory and builders and teachers and students of Sibyon Secondary School of Thosan County, North Hwanghae Province.

In the letters they reflected their ardent reverence and loyalty to Marshal Kim Jong Un who helps them make a leaping advance with the same loving care as that shown by Generalissimos Kim Il Sung and Kim Jong Il.

They vowed to invariably follow Kim Jong Un to repay for his loving care in the road of successfully carrying forward the revolutionary cause of Juche started on Mt. Paektu in keeping pace with his footsteps despite any storm and stress.

They wholeheartedly wished Marshal Kim Jong Un good health for the eternal prosperity of Songun Korea and happiness of all generations to come, representing the best wishes of all servicepersons and people.

(Seriously, I don't think any witty comment I could write here would make it more funny than it already is, so I won't)
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