Subway Groping - A Beginner's Guide

Perhaps the title of this post is a little misleading since my experience in actual groping unfortunately is extremely limited to only the occasional involuntary crotch pressing incident, so I cannot give any advice in how to perform the actual groping.

However, I do have seen quite a few reports on TV on subway and train groping and how they have apprehended suspected gropers and thought I could share some of the knowledge I have picked up from there. In order to become a genuine subway groper I believe that the following steps would be the best way to go:

1. Be Unemployed


2. Spend the rush hour time in mornings going back and forth between a couple of extremely crowded stations


3. Grope


4. When caught "bare-handed" by some resourceful girl who gets assistance by a few larger salarymen in getting you off the train and into the care of the station police, continuously cry in panic "what are you doing, I haven't done anything?! Let me go!!!"


5. When taken into custody continue to loudly exclaim your innocence, cry profusely


6. When confronted with evidence or just breaking down, continue cry and scream "I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to! Can't you just let me go?! Please, please, I'm so sorry! I have never ever done this before"


7. When/if confronted with having stalked the stations on multiple occassions continue to cry and deny "No, that's not me, I only did it this once, I'm so sorry, please just let me go"


8. When confronted with evidence or just breaking down, continue cry and scream "I'm so sorry! Can't you just let me go?! Please, please, I'm so sorry! I'll stop doing this, I promise!!!"


9. A month or so later, start operations all over again on other subway line and stations


10. (Go back to step 3)

Remember the steps above and you will fit in well with the typical Japanese train groper and who knows, if you get caught on TV, at least you'll represent the hobby very well!