A postcard from suburbian Tokyo

Ok, for the first time ever, let me introduce an accidental guest blogger here on the page. I mean "accidental" since he wrote it as a comment on this post but I thought it was too funny and insightful to be hid away just in the comments, so after getting the agreement from my man Chris, here it comes in full glory:

"My next door neighbor murdered her husband 15 years ago by poison* and everyone seems to know it. She has a English Juku next to my Eikaiwa and she has never once...not one single time mumbled a word of English.6 years and not a peep no matter how simple mundane or insignificant the occasion. She has ice water in her veins. She looks at me like she wishes I were dead and my School was burned to the ground.He was creamated and the oldest daughters claims of knowing about the poison were never followed up.She still gets student....but then again...so do

The chiropractic clinic 2 houses down has had 2 seperate people fall into a roadside river and die (1 drunk old man who used to yell and scream and make a fuss. He was too old to beat down and then 3 months ago a woman going to the supermarket behind my house fell and died at the same spot in the river) This is at the edge of the driveway to the clinic. I can't believe anyone still goes near there? The city rigged up a small cable to block people from trying to step over that river from the corner of that driveway which is about 2 dead people too late.I was asked after both incidents...weeks later to recall where I was on the evenings in question.

I wonder if they asked my other neighbor...across the street and about 8 houses down...the Yakuza lieutenant who rolls in a Benz but has old school type vibes (in a good way) He always say's "Chris subarashi" when he sees the Christmas lights display and he is the most normal of all my neighbors. Or did the cops ask the laundrymat across from Yakuza that has no customers except for tattoo sporting Yaks getting their shirts pressed?Or the REALLY creepy old lady directly across from me who teaches Japanese tea ceremony and once told an adult student of mine that I had a black aura and she should stay away from me (thanks creepy cult member neighbor lady)If you wanted to be a serial killer Japan would be the place to be. These cops are fucking clueless,old or indifferent."

*Note: Just in case this person actually knows English and is cyberstalking Chris and is looking for people to sue for slander, I would just make it clear that it's obvious that Chris is joking here and that it's so clear that he really doesn't mean that anyone murdered anyone, why would anyone murder anyone in the first place, doesn't really make sense