Wednesday, June 13, 2012

The Meeting Ninja

The dogs were kinda hard without a throwing weapon...
Last night I had a teleconference with a bunch of people from head office to discuss one issue that affects one of the products I'm looking after. Late night teleconferences are not unusual as Japan often gets handed the short end of the stick when several continents are involved and it's notoriously hard to get people from other departments in the Japanese subsidiary to participate as they usually just shovel it unto us in business development and blame us if the laundry lists of topics we get handed doesn't have time to get covered.

However, in the meeting last night I managed to convince one of the regulatory team that he really should be in the meeting as regulatory issues would be the main topic and it would be best for everyone if he was in the meeting. He seemed to reluctantly agree that he probably should call in.


Come 11PM and I call in to the meeting and not to my big surprise I don't hear his name and assumed that my hope that he would actually call in was futile. In any case, the meeting goes reasonably well and close without any big misunderstandings or issue. I'm not particularly annoyed that he didn't call in as that would have been a huge paradigm shift in attitude to late night meetings, but a little disappointed as I felt that I had almost convinced him.


Then to my big surprise, this morning as I had just come in to the office and gotten started on my first of countless cups of coffee, the regulatory guy calls me up and says "
So Salaryman, I was in that meeting yesterday and I think it was really good that you asked me to participate. I just want to compare some notes with you on what went down". Cue me almost choking on the coffee as I had done all the talking from the Japan side with no clue at all whatsoever that he actually had been in on the call. "Wait, what? You were in the meeting the whole time? Why didn't you say anything?!" I managed to squeeze out in surprise. "Well, I thought you were taking care of things and I don't feel so comfortable in speaking English, so I just listened in" he blurts out like it's the most natural thing in the world.

I think this kind of meeting participating needs a category of its own and I think that "Meeting Ninja" would be a good label to put on this. Being a meeting Ninja means that you join the meeting undetected and slip out without anyone realizing that you were there in the first place... This is probably a lot harder to do in video conferences or face to face meetings though... 

12 comments:

TheOctopus said...

Meeting Ninja, haha... I think I'll get that printed on my business card. I occasionally get dragged into late-night (from my perspective) telephone conferences as the IT representative to make sure our sales droids don't make too many outlandish promises ("our system will not only polish your knob err data until it is very shiny but will also refurbish your bathroom and cast a spell of silence over your mother-in-law") to their sales droids, but if I make any contribution it's just to ask the contact details of their technical people so I can speak to someone who can tell me something useful ("our system uses a triple-expanded retro-vortex hyperencrypted data massaging protocol") .

shadowzach00 said...

lol can have a copy of the card

Anna said...

Du är svensk, va? Hur kom det sig att du bestämde dig för att skriva på engelska? Inte för att jag har något emot det, jag bara undrar.

kamo said...

"This is probably a lot harder to do in video conferences or face to face meetings though."

I will pay you money, real money, if you go to your next face-to-face client meeting actually dressed as a ninja, with a facemask and everything. When they offer you a business card you must whip out a shuriken and bury it in the table in front of the boss with a flick of the wrist, then say simply "There's my card."

That is the only time you may speak, otherwise you must sit and glower. Though you may occasionally look inscrutable as well, should you so wish. When the time comes to leave you must rappel out of a window.

It's not a sales pitch they'd forget in a hurry, you have to admit.

Chris said...

Anna spoke a language I don't understand? Was she calling me names....I will fucking sue her!!! I will sue all of you people!!!

This is bullshit!!!

Ray said...

Hey Salaryman, you're at least part Swedish right? Have you been watching Euro 2012? I know football is nowhere as near as popular in Japan as it is in Europe but are you still able to watch matches? Zlatan Ibrahimovic is having a good tournament so far, will be an interesting game against England tomorrow!

Will said...

A rational discussion with relatively clear objectives? What is the world coming to?

shadowzach00 said...

she was saying You are Swedish, right? How was it that you decided to write in English? Not that I have anything against it, I was just wondering.

kamo said...

Chris - I've been getting Swedish lesson here. Pure, honest, 100% factually correct Swedish lessons. As such, I'll have a crack at translating for you. Shadowzach is broadly correct, but glosses over some of the complexities. If I may -

"You are Swedish, yeah? How come you are bedstead digging for at skivvies in English? It's for at not having problems, but your actions bring shame on the kingdom and the race. You will pay for this outrage. Your damnation shall be eternal and the sufferings of Loki shall be as nothing to the trials you will endure until the end of days. Odin's ravens shall pluck out your eyes and Fenrir shall feast endlessly on your entrails. You will pray for Ragnarok to come and end your torment. Such is the price of apostasy. The Norns demand it. Jaggy bra under-radar."

It's a subtle language, to be sure, but once you get the basics it's not too tricky.

Anna said...

Well, maybe I should've asked in English, haha! But Chris, you are Swedish, aren't you? This blog is pretty new to me, but I really have gotten that impression. You're also listed as a Swede on Expat-blog.com, which is the site that directed me here. So if that's true, and if your native language is Swedish, then my question is still valid. How come you chose to write in English?

Mr. Salaryman said...

Octo - Well, at least your droids are smart enough to realize that you'd better participate and you're also smart enough to realize that the short time pain of calling in is less than the long term pain that can happen if they're out of control in the telecon?

Shadow - His card will first and foremost state "IT Gnome"

Kamo - It sounds like a very attractive offer indeed but I have the feeling that it would be the last thing I did as an employee of the company...

Chris - Look, I think it's best for everyone if I just don't translate that and everyone just go and calm down a bit, I'm sure she didn't mean it!

Ray - Well, a bit late now, but it's all over now anyway... No big fan of soccer but would of course like to see Sweden do well (which we didn't...)

Will - I know, it's upside down!

Shadow - Nice, that's a perfect translation, did google translate do that?

Kamo - For sure, as long as you listen to me and Octopus you will for sure get 100% correct Swedish lessons, so many people out there who just want to fool just because they're assholes, stick with us!

Anna - I probably should answer your actual question too.. Hej hej by the way. It's really simple, if I write in Swedish I can reach 9 million people out of which 99.9% will be completely uninterested. If I write in English I can reach a lot more people.

shadowzach00 said...

yes Mr. Salaryman i did use google translate

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