Friday, February 25, 2011

Commuter Terrorists: The Human Cannonball

It is with some shame that I do write this post on this particular type of commuter terrorist... In fact, just the previous day I commited this exact act myself and did not really realize what I had done before it was too late...

I'm talking about "The Human Cannonball", this is most often a guy (this terrorist could also be female, but a certain body weight is required to cause damage to the extent that you could be labeled a terrorist) that really really wants to get on that train and don't want to stand around waiting for the next one so just as he approaches the train and notices that the doors are about to close in the fully packed train, he throws himself through the doors as they are about to close, slamming into the poor people standing just by the door. There is also a certain technique that is utilized to do this in an efficient way; you throw yourself towards the door and just as you take a step inside the train car, you make 90 degree turn, half spinning so you end up crashing with your full body weight back first on the poor people standing crowded in the doorway and then as you crash into them, you push yourself further in with your hands on the door to make sure that you are not again pushed outside before the doors have fully closed.

The effect is obvious, the Human Cannonball basically gives a pretty hard tackle with his/hers shoulders and back (can be pretty nasty to receive for a shorter smaller lady). And also briefly shakes the equilibrium that the crowds are just about to reach when the train is ready to depart, much like the Battering Ram for a brief moment.

I felt quite embarrased after my cannonball like entry into the train and did the lame, turning half around mumbling "so sorry, so sorry" to the immediate victims. It is a war after all and sometimes war gets dirty and you do things that you are not proud of...

7 comments:

Chris said...

"It is a war after all and sometimes war gets dirty and you do things that you are not proud of... "

That's rationalizing at it's finest :)

I do it ALL the time too ;)

Martin said...

Is the cannonball soft, like clay and the battering ram hard as steel or is there some other difference? They seem quite similar to me.

Rose said...

I'm just a skinny gaijin girl, but so help me god if any asshole oyaji tried that on me I'd pick him up by his beltloops and throw him off the train. Wait your turn, jerks.

Mr. Salaryman said...

Chris - Yep, everything is fair in love and the commuter war!

Martin - The difference here is that the cannonball is more of a immediate impact while the battering ram keeps on moving, the cannonball just wants in the door, the battering ram wants to reach some special position in the train

Rose - Well, you'd have to be quite good since the cannonball almost always comes as a surprise and timed just enough to be in the doors as they close, making it hard to throw him/her out until the next stop... I do understand your feelings about it though

Martin said...

Rose, and others, might be helped by the other war-tactics you describe.

Maby hard-handed groping would be an appropriate response if -"i´d pick him up by his beltloops" doesn´t work?

Rose said...

Martin - Good idea. If the beltloops aren't reach-able, something else might be... (evil laugh)

aimlesswanderer said...

I know a guy who looks like a rugby player, is nearly 2m tall and weighs 120kg or so. I don't want to know what would happen if he shoulder charged a carriage full of nihonjin.

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