Monday, August 9, 2010

The secret of little brothers...

I have spent considerable time deliberating whether I actually should post this, since it would break the secret code of all the little brothers out there, something that has been kept secret from the dawn of time. But I cannot keep silent any longer and even if this means that the secret International Order of the Little Brothers will put a bounty on my head I will still go ahead and reveal this...

As a little brother, you grow up in an environment where you will have to survive and adapt to not being the strongest kid in the pack. Relying on brute force alone will not be possible since the older brother/sister will have the physical advantage, being years ahead in muscle and mass development. Even as the years will even out this advantage, little brothers, having grown up in this harsh world where we have to rely on other means than physical ones to cause pain and annoyance, have developed an array of different techniques to even the score.

This time, I will reveal the secret of the "Ignore-Agree" technique... Probably one of the most well protected secrets of us little brothers, and almost guaranteed to cause annoyance. It's not foolproof and even seasoned veteran brothers can sometimes make mistakes when applying this so please do not try this at home without proper guidance from a professional.

This technique comes in when an older sibling or similar figures orders you to do something and outright defiance might trigger a physical attack, but you still don't really want to do it and am looking to create some annoyance in return. The basics of the technique is to

1. When receiving the command answer something non-committal and mumble

2. Walk away, I can not overemphasize the importance of the walk away, this has to be done quickly but not look like you are in any hurry. I would recommend you to be in a standing position at a distance of a few meters before step one. Getting cornered can disarm this technique so a plan of escape that seem natural.

The objective of the Agree-Ignore technique is to not outright defy the command and risk bodily horm, but to leave the older sibling figure in a state of confusion for a few seconds, giving you time to escape and also leave the older sibling in a state of annoyance at whether you actually meant that you will do it or not. If confronted with an authority figure you can also claim that you did agree to do the thing and put your older sibling to shame for ratting you out.

So, let's look at a practical example of applying this technique:

Big Bro: (bullying) Hey, you need to do that thing we talked about!
Little Bro: (standing up, moving a few steps towards the doorway pretending like you didn't really hear - securing an escape path) Huh? What?
Big Bro: (annoyed) I said that you need to do that thing!
Little Bro: (facing away from Big Bro, while casually walking away) Oh that, yeah, I guess someone should do that and (mumbles)
Big Bro: (confused and annoyed) What?
Little Bro: (already out of sight) Yeah... (mumbles)

It is at considerable risk I share this sacred knowledge with you. This technique has helped reducing my own effort and also successfully annoyed many people, but I urge you to please handle this knowledge with care!


aimlesswanderer said...

That photo seems to suggest that little brothers/nephews/sons/randoms (at least for sumo wrestlers) are useful to hold your massive gut up.

Sakie and Thomas Gantz said...

lol, very funny. As an eldest son, I hadn't noticed my younger brother doing that, but I'm sure he did growning up. :-)

Babyface Müller - Chairman of SIOLB said...

Don´t worry!

Revealing knowlege is one thing. Mastering the technique requiers extensive training.

As long as you don´t reveal how to disarm our sacred ways you will be safe.

Fernando said...

hahaha, great thing that I learn the code being the little brother of the familly, althought I combine them both at the same time:

(mumbles) whatever (walks away showing lack of interest)

When confronted with phisical threat (in the time when I was a lil' wimp) I usually got beaten up AND then mumbled the whatever and walked away trying to hold whatever pride was left. Now the phisical threat is over, but the commanding like "Hey go to the garage and get me BLABLA from the car" is always answered with the same pattern...always annoys and gives the correct message...GET IT YOURSELF WOMAN!

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Big bro said...

Now you have to teach Thomas (your nephew) this technique! He is pretty good at applying force to his big sister though (pulling her hair, for instance).

Wade said...

When did you begin teaching my 16yr old daughter (an only child I might add) this maddening technique? She's been at it for years!

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