Thursday, March 24, 2011

Preparing for the Apocalypse - Toilet Warrior

The earthquake, tsunami and Fukushima pland disaster and the consequences they have had to the Tokyo region has brought many important lessons. One scary thing to consider is that this quake is not the long overdue Kanto area earthquake, that one is also bound to come sooner or later. I think it's important to keep in mind that Tokyo actually wasn't hit particularly hard by the quake, sure, it was scary and confusing for a while, but there only were a handful of unlucky victims here (I think the death count ended up at 5 in Tokyo, nothing compared to the thousands in the prefectures hit worst).



As a Westerner, I have grown up picturing the post-apocalyptic world as something from Mad Max, where gasoline would be the most valuable resources and trading chip. However, it has become clear that this would not be the case for Japan, the most sought after resource would be toilet paper (and tissue paper to a lesser extent). Sure, gasoline was hard to come by and bottled water was also sold out (the ongoing "low levels of radioactive iodine found in Tokyo water" doesn't really help either) but plenty of other bottled drinks were available all the time during the aftermath. In the post-apocalyptic world of Japan, the person with the most toilet paper will be calling the shots. I can see a scenario where people are divided into classes depending on how dirty their assholes are; perhaps people would greet each other through sniffing butts to quickly identify their respective social statuses?



So now I'm considering to start hoarding toilet paper in huge amounts to be able to come out as the Mr. Big in my local area after the apocalypse and have people bring me food, drinks and serve my family for some filthy used strips of toilet paper. You have to think ahead!

8 comments:

Sarahf said...

And here was I thinking food would be the valuable item in the apocolypse. Silly me.

BiggerInJapan said...

head over to Octopus' page - already the new currency has a name: JTPR, and wise investments can be made at this early stage in the Marshall Islands joint venture we set up. Now only we have to come up with the right symbol. \ is soooo passee.

The Toilet Paper King of Western Tokyo said...

Thanks for the info, I know where to send the raiding teams.

Chris said...

Like I commented in the original T.P. post. I wanna be the Bad guy from Mad max. :)

Coool poster!!

Mr. Salaryman said...

Saraf - Yes, indeed you are silly. You will be begging me to give me half a roll for your stock of canned corn beef, you just see!

BiJ - Well, I think the symbol could just be a circle? To symbolize a roll?

Toilet King - Well, you are welcome to try, but I will have an army of hired goons that defend me for some scraps of paper!

Chris - The bad guy from Mad Max 2 is the baddest! I liked that poster too, but it doesn't really resemble the movie much...

Fernando said...

HAHAHA The Mad Max theme was long over due, I knew it was comming as read previous posts and comments!

Intead of Mr. Big or Kingpin ypu can always go by the name エリエール sama

The Toilet Paper King of Western Tokyo said...

In such cases our raiding squad will fire off a small number of pachinko parlour advertising tissue packs as a distraction.

RMilner said...

Other advantages of toilet paper are that it doesn't perish, it is soft if a tall stack falls on you during an earthquake, and the carbon content will help to absorb radioactive particles.

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