Tuesday, June 21, 2011

How to be a hit with the ladies in the office

Never heard of it
It's getting hotter in the office these days as the power saving efforts are turning up the temperature in the office a few degrees higher than previous years (I think we're up to 28 degrees C now), but it's in no way unbearable. As summer has barely yet begun we'll see how things look in July and August when the real relentless summer heat will strike. But the sweating has started.

In the afternoon earlier today Strap-On Girl waved me over to her seat as she needed some help with figuring out how to do something in a software that I'm reasonable good at. As I stood behind her looking at her computer screen I noticed a quite strong odor of sweat and immediately blurts out "wow, someone really reeks of sweat here, is it you (looking at the sales manager next to her), me or you Strap-On Girl?". The sales manager shakes his head and I felt reasonably confident that it wasn't me and after a few seconds of silence Strap-On Girl meekly squeezed out "it might be me...".

"Wow, that's quite a musky.... (sniffs a bit and considers the correct description) ...pungent odor you've got going there. I would never have guessed it came from a lady, it's almost like a... ...a ripe old man... very impressive..." comes out of my mouth without getting caught in the checkpoint that usually exist between my brain and my mouth.

Then I went ahead and solved her problem and went back on my merry way to a less smelly part of the office. I'm certain that she appreciated my honesty.


Jen said...

Oh my god - that has to be the funniest thing I've read in a LONG time! That poor girl ... I'm mortified for her!!

You got me out of lurkerdom with this one :)

Fernando said...

To admit you are the smelly one is like to admit a fart in an elevator...you have to be like politicians, deny deny deny...even if they stick their nose under your armpit you deny! "Must be your imagination" and then confuse
"I think it is you that smells and try to blame it on someone else to get attention away of your own" or the Homer classic -Looks around and then starts running, crashes throught the window and flee-

aimlesswanderer said...

I am glad that other people also sometimes blurt out whatever comes to mind first. I used to be a serial offender, but I have attempted to learn as I've aged. I've really tried to cut that out at work, successfully so far.

It's not a good idea to blurt out things at your brother's wedding rehearsal, trust me. Even though there was some unnecessarily excessive, paranoid secrecy going on.

Eva said...

Great that you're leaving!

Sarahf said...

Yup, Salaryman, you must be a real hit with the ladies. ;P I'd have denied it and claimed it was you. Hope the new office is more fragrant.

BiggerInJapan said...

I sense some salary-man enlightenment in your latest posts... the one coming from a person that is ready to spread his wings (I know how that feels)

Chris said...

"I'm certain that she appreciated my honesty."


Yeah YEAH!! of couuuuuurse she appreciates that.

On an unrelated note **wink wink** you might wanna get someone to man that checkpoint between your brain and mouth.....just a thought.

Mr. S. said...

Oh dude, something like 5% of the Japanese people have DNA that gives them a stronger smell than the rest, and 'strap-on girl' knows she's one. (So why can't you get decent deodorant in the country 'for love or money'?)

As a Gaijin I can say... she smells like a Gaijin. She may be from Tohoku and have Ainu DNA. This should also make her a better drinker: red-faces are congregated along the Inland Sea and through to Tokyo. She also has wet, not dry, earwax. Better explanation at this link: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Earwax#Physiology

Hanta said...


Oh, the poor girl. You do know she spent the night in the shower dousing herself in alcohol and scrubbing with a metal brush. Bastard!

Mr. Salaryman said...

Jen - Hello there, how nice to see that I managed to squeeze out one lurker out of lurkerdom! But I was actually quite surprised by the odor, it was quite impressive!

Fernando - Yeah, she could also have said "no, it must be you" and I would probably have bought it!

Aimless - Haha, I'm usually quite ok with the checkpoint between my brain and mouth but this took me a bit by surprise

Eva - Yep, that's also another reason ;)

Saraf - I think that would have been the most clever course of action and add "gosh Salaryman, you really should do something about your BO problem, it's disgusting"

BiJ - Yep, mos def as they say! Always pleasant when you're on your way out and don't really have to keep that mask of sanity on so tight!

Chris - Yeah, but best to let some of it out now as I must keep very strict and orderly the first months or so in the new job... ;)

Mr. S - Interesting indeed! I should investigate the earwax, what would your suggestion be to go about that? How can I find an excuse to put my finger in her ear and feel it out?

Hanta - Yep, but seriously, you should have been there... It was a very very strong odor...

aimlesswanderer said...

One of my teachers at school used to wear so much perfume that in a room with no ventilation it sometimes caused coughing. If she had been in the classroom within the last 24 hours you could tell. She did it to cover up the smell of her smoking, which it did by killing your sense of smell and making you ill. We joked that she bought it by the tankerload and drank it and bathed in it.

Not sure that's preferable to strong BO.

Rydangel said...

Ouch! Harsh. If the odor was that bad, she definitely needed to be told. But maybe it would have been better coming from another woman and said in private. I once had a coworker with the same problem. My supervisor held a group meeting on proper hygeine and dress. He kept us an extra 30 minutes after work because he didn't want to embarass that one guy. The funny or sad part was that the guy in question didn't realize the meeting was directed at him. He had to be told he was greasy, and funky. The change afterward was amazing.

mukuge said...

are you sure she didn't have a dirty/hentai/questionnable old man (who stank exceptionally) hiding underneath her desk...?

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