Tuesday, September 2, 2008

"I'm not gay!"

Since I rejoined my old company after my adventures as a management consultant, it meant that I returned to the company where I started my Japan adventure and made quite a few friends. Some of them have moved on and others are still there.

One friend in particular, a Japanese guy working in the sales division, joined at basically the same time as me (theoretically he's my "senpai", something that I to his great annoyance never really payed proper respect to) has become a very good private friend. One day recently we had planned to go out drinking together with another friend that left the company a few years ago and to not make people feel left out we left the company separately to meet up in the parking lot to take his car to the pub we were supposed to meet.

Now, to add to the story, a recurring joke in between us (mostly directed at him) is that I sometimes joke in the presence of other people that I'm in love with him, that we are a couple, or a more simple thing as that either he or me are gay. One incident many years ago when I casually brought up that he might be gay to a new good looking female employee has made him particularly wary to my great amusement. He put in quite a great effort to convince her that I was just lying and he really wasn't gay at all. For a while afterwards he was quite paranoid, again, to my great amusement. That he's happily married now and have just recently got a beautiful baby hasn't really stopped me. Whatever you may think, it's all in good fun and I have no issues at all with homosexualities, I just enjoy the way it gets him all paranoid and jittery.

Anyway, as we were cruising out of the parking lot, talking and joking about something he notices a new female employee walking just past the excit of the parking lot who sees us and waves. At this point, what goes on in her mind is probably "oh, so those two have a customer visit together now at this hour, poor guys" or maybe "Oh, so those two are friends, I didn't know that". However, the reaction of my friend is pretty priceless, he first looks at her, then at me, both of us smiling and waving, then he leans out of the window and practically screams at her, with panic in his voice; "ゲイじゃないから!ゲイじゃないから!”(I'm not gay!) as we cruise out of her sight.

I'm sure she didn't have any thoughts about that before, but I wonder what she thought afterwards since that's not something you usually hear screamed at you with desperation from a colleague. Obviously I enjoyed it immensly and so did our common friend when we told him the story!

However amusing this might seem, I don't recommend you to try, this is best handled by professionals!

13 comments:

Tokyo Cowgirl said...

What your friend needs to know is that women love homosexualities! We hang out with them all the time and dance with them all of the time and undress for them all the time. It's really not a bad arrangement, at least not for the homosexualities.

ThePenguin said...

I hope I'm not outing myself as a homosexuality by commenting that your illustration is surely by "Tom of Finland"?

John Turningpin said...

I think you mean, outing yourself as a *homosexualite*.

And don't call me "Shirley."

:)

(I hope you're getting these references...)

Mr. Salaryman said...

Penguin - Yes and Yes

J - I'm lost

Mr. Salaryman said...

Penguin - Yes and Yes

J - I'm lost

ThePenguin said...

J, I am lost too.

Mr. Salaryman, my only excuse is that I have spent around half of my sentient life in Berlin, a city which contains more homosexualities than you can shake a suggestively shaped stick at.

Mr. Salaryman said...

Penguin - Wow, you just don't know when to stop do you? It's ok you know, no need to dig a hole for yourself!

john turningpin said...

Penguin, the term "homosexualite" came from one of Salaryman's earlier posts, referencing a short essay written by a Japanese student about the seedy Ikebukuro area (home of Lock-up, yay!) and how one could find *homosexualites* and other things that are "strange and dangerous for us," I think the quote was.

Penguin and Salaryman, the "Shirley" quip is from the movie Airplane, which is a comedy made of pure win. I used it in response to your use of the word "surely" in reference to the classic exchange, A: Surely you can't be serious! B: I'm quite serious. And don't call me "Shirley." That is pretty stunningly unfunny when typed out, isn't it?

Y said...

This is too funny!!

Mr. Salaryman said...

I must said that I never really got Leslie Nielsen, anyway you look at it, he never really measured up to Benny Hill...

Martin said...

Mr. Salaryman. Why would you want to stop the penguin?

By the way. No one can´t never beat Benny Hill, ever!

R. F. Scott said...

Re: Airplane and "not getting Leslie Nielsen".
Unless one was of a certain age to have experienced Airplane when it first ran in theaters, you probably never will "get it".
The aspect of the "Airplane experience" that made the entire thing a one off for those who grew up with television any time from the mid-50s to the late 60s, (as was not, and could not be the case for those watching its numberless imitators) was that here we had, for those who grew up watching them, these absolutely iconic figures of Robert Stack, Leslie Nielsen, Lloyd Bridges and Peter Graves and Barbara Billingsley, people who had literally never ever played anything for laughs (yes "Leave to Beaver" was a sit-com, but the mother, Barbara Billingsley, like most all "TV moms" from the 50s was a figure of respect, and never buffoonish or an object of derision), and to see all of these cliched macho types lose their "comedy cherries" in one go, had those of us who had grown up seeing these actors playing to type, literally convulsing with laughter.
(I saw Airplane the weekend it premièred, and I not only had never laughed so uncontrollably at a movie, I also have never heard an audience carry on so.).

69Girl said...

yes you are not gay, you are funny couple

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