Monday, February 22, 2010

Nein! Nein! Nicht der Flachspüler!!!

In one of my greater moments previously, I made an in-depth look at the differences on toilets between Japan and some of the major types of toilets used in Europe (post here).


In the comments section of that, my dear Penguin brought up the German "Flachspüler" toilet, a toilet so completely insanely designed that it's hard to believe it unless you actually have to do your thing in one. As my travels as a Salaryman takes me around the world, I ended up utilizing a bathroom in the airport of Vienna yesterday (or today or what it is, it all kinda blurs together...) and found myself face to face with this monstrosity...




The basic premise of this toilet is that there is basically only a small hole filled with water at the front of the toilet meaning that there is significant splash damage when peeing in it from a standing position; however, the simple remedy to this problem is sitting down. The problem with crapping in one of these is significantly more worriesome... Due to the lack of a larger area filled with water, what comes out of you will end up on the "ledge" of the toilet producing significant stink since the product will not be immersed in water. I took the liberty of illustrating this more clearly for you here;

I do pity the poor Germans and Austrians who have to utilize this misfit of toilets and I really wonder how the sales reps selling this toilet design go about to have their customer chose this instead of a toilet model that actually is user-friendly and makes sense...

8 comments:

Martin said...

I guess Germans prefer avoiding urin splashing up their backhole before loosing any bratwürst stinkyness?

Anonymous said...

In a traditional German toilet, the hole into which shit disappears after we flush is right at the front, so that shit is first laid out for us to sniff and inspect for traces of illness. In the typical French toilet, on the contrary, the hole is at the back, i.e. shit is supposed to disappear as quickly as possible. Finally, the American (Anglo-Saxon) toilet presents a synthesis, a mediation between these opposites: the toilet basin is full of water, so that the shit floats in it, visible, but not to be inspected.

http://www.lrb.co.uk/v26/n17/slavoj-zizek/knee-deep

Mr. Salaryman said...

Well, you missed the best part...

I liked this:
"Erica Jong mockingly claims that ‘German toilets are really the key to the horrors of the Third Reich. People who can build toilets like this are capable of anything."

aimlesswanderer said...

Hmm, so clearly the world's intelligence agencies should be inspecting the world's toilets to determine where the next threat is coming from.

I wonder what the extremely technologically advanced Japanese toilets say about them? They might attempt to take over the world with giant robots? Or with feral robotic people eating toilets?

And what about the many places where toilets are holes in the ground or less?

Kaba said...

hmm, but that is what the toilet brush was invented for, is it not? I am sorry but I absolutely hate American-style toilets. All that water just splashing around, gives me the creeps every time. Especially when you have to use them when sick. That is just not a pleasant experience. Have to patriotically stand behind our good old German toilets!

Mr. Salaryman said...

Aimless - Well, if the toilets are a reflection of the soul of the people, I would think that the Japanese toilets are putting the Japanese in a pretty favorable position, especially when weighed against the fury of Der Flachspüler!

Kaba-chan - Well, the brush comes to good use when the deed is done. Seriously, there are many many things to like about Germany and I think you are making a strategical mistake here if you try to take a stand behind Der Flachspüler...

Martin said...

Wow. Your blog came up as top ten today on Google searching for "Flachspüler".

I´m quite impressed!

Lu said...

Most of the German toilets that were installed after the 80s are Tiefspüler (like the French ones). The Flachspüler are usually still installed at hospitals, in case, you know, you have to take a stool sample. People who are concerned about their health might have them as well. I personally prefer Tiefspüler over Flachspüler, but Flachspüler over the American ones. Poo lying on a small podest is kind of ok, but shit floating in water reminds me too much of a misused bidet.

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