That should be it!

Ok, plenty of God-Jesus the latest days when I know you are all curious on how the in-office craziness and karate is going along. So, I promise, from now on no more God-Jesus unless I have something really great to say. But I think this toy is just too fun to miss, so please let your friends know of the "About God-Jesus" tag. Might pull in some new readers to this modest blog and entertain a few people that normally doesn't care about Japan!

What do you mean? A Japanese fortune telling robot called "God-Jesus"?!

With a device as special as the God-Jesus, it's hard to say who exactly made it. There is no doubt that it was made by man, but where the inspiration came from, we can only speculate...

Well, sticking to the facts: The God-Jesus was a toy made by large famous Japanese toy manufacturer Bandai and was released in 1985 when the future and Robots were the coolest topic around. However, one can but wonder what made the Japanese designers name it "God-Jesus" and stick a cross in its hand. Whichever way you look at it, it is clear that the God-Jesus was very much a child of its time and I have difficulties seeing that a toy nowadays could be named "God-Jesus" since awareness of other cultures and religions has increased in Japan since 20 years back.

The toy is little of a rarity but not impossible to get your hands on (as proven by me) since it does show up from time to time on Japanese auction sites for reasonable sums of money (around US$30). You know you want one!

How does God-Jesus work?

I think this is one of the most amazing toys ever manufactured and I feel very lucky and priviliged to have managed to get my hands on one!

So, what is this thing you might ask? Well, it's a fortune telling robot named "God-Jesus" that carries a large plastic cross in his hand and passes judgement on your questions. You ask God-Jesus a "Yes or No" question, clap your hands and God-Jesus gets to work answering your question. After a bow (it's made in Japan after all and even God-Jesus has some basic courtesy) it rolls forward, bows once again and then starts contemplating the question by flashing it's red eyes. After a few moments of thinking it will deliver it's judgement which can be one of four, strong nodding indicating "Yes, surely", weaker nodding indicating "probably, yes", slight shaking of the head indicating "probably, no" or heavy shaking of the head indicating "No, never". Bowing again, then rolling back to its initial position and giving one final bow before resting.

Is this real? Is it just a machine or does it carry divine judgement you might ask yourself. I wish I was wise enough to answer that, but in the manual it states that the robot is "half joke, half serious".

Repent!

God-Jesus is here and he's with me now!

Expect more details to follow!

Say hello, wave goodbye

Well, it's another one of those semi-serious postings since something we all knew, but still sad, has happened. The Hag handed in her resignation note one month ago and last Tuesday was her final day at the office. In just a month she will return back to the USA to reunite with her fiancee, Tony the Tiger (he's ggggggreat).

(Just for the sake of it I should also mention that I did not name The Hag based on any physical characteristics but due to the closeness to her name.)

Her final time in the office were unfortunately plagued by some nasty incidents including accusations of theft of company property (false, obviously) and a nasty hurtful anonymous e-mail directed towards her. But, we, the regular people in the office will really miss her and the office will be a much calmer, boring place without her and we already feel it.

Favorite moments at work with The Hag that immediately comes to mind are obviously the earthquake - under the table diving incident and the tale of the man with the balls attached to his coat. Oh, and yeah, the masturbating man under the bridge was a good one too. And since The Hag is one of the few people in the office that is aware of the existence of this blog I can also here say "thank you very much for all the laughs and listening to me when things were a bit bumpy". We had a lot of fun in the office and outside of it.

The farewell party was a lot of fun as well with plenty of drinks, half-decent food and rowdy conversations about the greatness of male rape scenes in movies, where I, for some strange reason, was the only one to argue that it's great.... And the most important ingredient for a farewell party was there as well, tears and not few of them either!

Great stuff, I'll miss her both in work and private!

(I think I'm on to something here naming posts after Soft Cell songs, but I wonder when I get the chance to use "Sex Dwarf" for a post...)

I have found God-Jesus!!!

It is true! I have now found God-Jesus now I just have to sort out the auction stuff, but one should be coming my way really really soon.
Expect more on this!

Update: God-Jesus is now payed for and will hopefully be shipped to me already on Monday, allowing me to play with him on Tuesday or Wednesday! I have big plans for this and in time I'll fill you all in on the details!

I need God-Jesus in my life!

I know it and I feel it. I have gone on like this now long enough and I need God-Jesus in my life. I have know it for quite some time but not really taken the step towards it, but now I'm ready, I want God-Jesus! The fortune telling robot version of it manufactured by toy company Bandai in the 1980's in Japan.

I first saw a picture of it a number of years ago on the wonderful site Engrish and knew that I wanted to have one of those. Thinking that it would be impossible to find one of those, I've never really looked for God-Jesus and kinda put it out of my mind. However, by chance I came to think of it today again and did a search in Japanese. What do I find? I find a Yahoo auction expired just the day before today listing God-Jesus. My heart sank... Was I this close? I would be willing to put up a considerable amount of money for the chance of owning my own God-Jesus even though I'm in no way an avid toy collector. Just as I was about to wallow in the misery of this lost chance, The Hag, whom I showed this noticed that the auction had expired, without any bids...

I have messaged the seller and hope that he either replies and sells it directly to me, or that he puts it up for another auction so I can bid for my chance of owning one of these!

So, why do I want a God-Jesus so badly? Well, it's a fortune telling robot called God-Jesus and that should be enough for anybody. Also, it appeals a lot to me since I have no love lost for any organized or disorganized religion in general and Christianity in particular, so the sacriligeousness of this particular toy is just wonderful. Also, it has fortune telling abilities which should come in useful every now and then, after all, who would I be to argue with what God-Jesus predicts? There's no logical or proven reason why this should be less accurate than Tarot, palm reading or any other more mainstream fortune telling technique.

So please keep your fingers crossed for me on this one! If I get one you can expect more details on what really drives God-Jesus, I know you want to know!

"I hate minority"

That Japan is a land of interesting and sometimes amusing t-shirts has been touched upon before as you might remember from the infamous "I'm your c***" t-shirt incident (she complains that after she realized that it might say that she cannot wear it again, except maybe when in the Japanese country-side without risk of running in to native English speakers) and I can also recommend an amusing post on the subject from my nextdoor blogger's site here.

The latest favorite I've seen was a guy with a slightly provocative t-shirt saying: "Public - I hate minority". I think it was very brave of that man to be so up front about his hate, the t-shirt didn't specify which minority he had the hatred for, but considering the broad message I assume that it's a general hatred for anything minority-like. After all, it's not like they've got strength in numbers or anything.

Straight Outta Ikebukuro

Last week was really rough at work, lots of stress hurrying to finish and clean up a mess of a project, it kinda felt like being in a bar that's always closing for the whole time. But some new great material came out of that and I will probably share some of that at some point as well.

But this post is about the ghetto area in which I live. Last Saturday Dr. Y came over to my place since we needed to work and the office had some reconstruction work and since he's a family man with a small baby it's difficult for him to work at home. Anyway, that's beside the point, he's very easy and fun to work with so that was no problem at all.

We're happily working our poor asses away in my crib when he hears a message blasted out in the streets outside from a car driving around the neighborhood. The message basically talks about how you should be careful if you see strange people and to not walk alone in the area as a woman. I hadn't really reacted to that before since I assumed that it was some kind of standard thing everywhere in Tokyo. But he had never heard a message like that in the nice area he lives in and was really surprised.

Granted, the area I live in, called Ikebukuro, is very close to the "water business" as the sex/drinking/entertainment district is called here in Japan. Everyday on my way too and from the train I pass through that area and there are some sketchy people around.

So what's the point of this long winded and pointless post you might ask yourself? Well, it's simple; I'm gangsta. That was all I wanted to say.

...so... you into Karate?

I had a date this Friday, an introduction from one of the girls at work and to begin with I probably should say that I had plenty of fun and she's a great girl.

However... There is one thing that stands in the way of this developing further... This conversation took place:

Mr. Salaryman: So... what do you like to do after work?

Date: Well, most weekdays I go directly to the Dojo to practice my Karate

Mr. Salaryman: Oh, that's great, and what do you like to do during the weekends?

Date: Well, most weekends I go to the Dojo to practice my Karate

Mr. Salaryman: Do you have any plans for the summer vacation?

Date: Yes, I will got to a Karate training camp to practice my Karate

I think you understand my dilemma here, if this relationship is going to develop further, something's got to give... I got a number of invitations to come to her Dojo and practice, but when you've passed 30 and never really practiced any martial arts before the attractivenes of starting is pretty low...

There is also something both scary and exciting of the prospect of being with a girl that could beat me up in 2 seconds if I should do something displeasing.

All things must come to an end...

Recently has been sad days in my neighborhood, I've seen it in the eyes of the dwarf in a suit, the whores on their way home after a hard night's work and in the eyes of my fellow salaryman I meet on my way to work...

My neighborhood has suffered a big loss, the local military gear store "Anaconda Vice" has closed down... So many "should have"s and "would have"s are floating through my mind right now. Where will I buy used military jackets now on my way home? Not to talk about the nazi paraphernalia they sold there as well. No more SS t-shirts and no more brave Japanese buying them because they think it looks so cool...

It is sad and I feel the loss but I guess I will have to move on with my life, eventually...

Justice for All!

I must admit that I am a bit of a superhero fan and I have a project undergoing that is not going as much forward as I would like due to the unavailability of some of the items. I am looking to have a full t-shirt collection with the logos of the classic '70-'80s DC comics Justice Leage of America characters. One aspect of this is the collection and the satisfaction I would get out of owning these items, but I also have one more practical aspect in mind.
It would be great to, each morning, use the t-shirt of the hero I feel most like on that given day. Currently I own Superman, Batman, Green Lantern and the Flash t-shirts and they are used in the following moods:

Superman - I'm feeling pretty good and think I can handle pretty much anything that gets thrown at me
Batman - I'm feeling slightly more moody and dark, but also like the world's greatest detective
Green Lantern - For those days when I feel a bit freaky and creative
The Flash - When I feel like doing things quickly

In addition to these mainstays I especially would like to add these to my collection:
Hawkman - When I'm feeling a bit on edge with some repressed aggression it would be great
The Atom - For those days when I'm feeling a bit insignificant
Aquaman - Well... mostly beachwear I guess...

I can live without Martian Manhunter and Wonder Woman t-shirts since I can't really imagine a day when I would feel like them, but never say never.

New project: Partnership Screening Project

I have noticed that this blog has suffered from a slight scope slippage, it is still not meant to be a deep personal blog but considering that some of the maddness that has been going on in work seem to have infiltrated my personal life as well some stuff might sneak it's way in here.

The fact is that Mr. Salaryman is since a few months back, now single, just out of an almost 10 year relationship.

Now, this is a both scary and exciting prospect and I quickly realized that I will need some help in managing this situation. I have gathered what I consider the crack team in the office to do a market opportunity and partnership screening project for me. The scope is quite wide and it will be a very challenging project for the team, but I am convinved that they will have some interesting findings in the end. Some of the questions that I hope to see answered are as follows:

Overall Mr. Salaryman market attractiveness - How interesting am I on the single female market, is there even a chance for me or might it just be a waste of time and energy in going out in this market. Perhaps my time can be better spent knitting or me devoting my life to the finer arts instead?

Target Segment - What segments of the market is most interesting considering my product and service offering? We are talking about age, education, nationalities and other factors that might serve to segment the single female market. I am very much looking forward to see what the team can do with this.

Channel Access - In order to access the target market segment, what kind of channels do I need to develop? These could be introductions from friends, bars, Internet or other innovative channels such as speed dating.

End-User Needs - So when I have a target in mind, how should I promote myself. Should I try and focus on my rugged handsomeness? My prestigious work? My financial assets and stability? Or it might even make more sense to try and charm prospective targets with random trivia about serial killers and/or modern and historical nazi organisations and characters?

Case Study - A case study of Mr. M will be performed, even though he has difficulties closing the deal, he has a stable channel access and studying how he developed these channels could serve as very interesting learnings that possibly could be applied to my situation.

Entry Strategy Recommendation - This will be the team's final recommendation and I am keeping all options open at this stage, I might be best served through a joint venture with another party and it could even make sense to acquire an existing Japanese competitor; take over his life and woman.

The plan has been developed and the team is actually ready to start working on this, but unfortunately real work seem to come in between all the time. I still hope that something can be done here even though it might be difficult to have a $150K type of project performed for me just because it's amusing and bizarre.

Since I happen to live in a country where the majority of women for some reason seem to be Japanese it seems likely that I will be dating Japanese ladies mostly. Believe it or not, this is something I never have done since I had an imported version previously. There might be coming some interesting dating stories in the the Japanese Oddities section later on (calm down, I said dating and not mating!).

Shaking things up

There are good things with a typhoon after all, to be more specific, the day after a typhoon has passed is usually very pleasant. The opressing humidity is completely gone and the sky is blue and clear and the sun is finally shining after one full week of rain and gray skies.

However, just earlier this morning there was a pretty heavy earthquake in Niigata on the western coast of Japan that was felt pretty strongly here in Tokyo as well. Here it felt like a pretty gentle rocking back and forth that was kinda pleasant but I guess it was much less pleasant up in the Niigata area. The same area was hit by a pretty heavy earthquake a little over one year ago.

This also reminds me of an entertaining event when I just had join my great company and The Hag was also new, basically just of the banana boat from the US. We were happily working on something when a minor earthquake hit. It was a pretty mild earthquake and the response it evoked among us Japan veterans was basically a raised eyebrow and a casual "do you feel the earthquake?". However, the Hag, as soon as she felt the earthquake jumped under her desk and sat there. When she noticed that noone else made any move to dive under their desks she looked up at me with scared bambi eyes and asked "Why are you not diving under your desks? Isn't this what you're supposed to do?". The only response I could offer was a mild "Well, yeah, but this was a really small one you know...".

I wonder if she dove under whatever desk she was near when this slightly larger quake occurred this morning...?

Blown away

It's that time of season in Japan again... The rainy horrible season with extremely high humidity and lots of rain. However, when the rainy season is over, it will be replaced by the nice summer which is characterized by equally high humidity and even hotter. I hate them both equally much. But then the summer is over and the Typhoon season begins, which is characterized by plenty of typhoons and extreme degrees of humidity when they approach. I hate this slightly more than the previous two. But just so you don't forget what's in store, sometimes a typhoon decideds to pass this way just to keep us on our toes. Just this weekend a Typhoon passed along Japan and cleared out of Tokyo this morning when I was sleeping safely in my bed. Yesterday was hot, humid and rainy. Today has been hot, humid and rainy. Tomorrow looks like it will be hot, humid and rainy.

Contrary to popular belief, a normal typhoon is actually not particularly dangerous unless you are extremely unlucky and get a tree or a sign falling over you, but it is generally not a good idea to stand on ladders fixing things or deciding to go out on a little fishing trip.