Commuter Terrorists - The Dive Bomber

When he comes crashing down...

One of the most valuable things that you can hope to achieve in the commuter hell is an available seat. Having a seat means that you are shielded from the battle raging back and forth among the poor sods standing in front of you. A seat can mean the difference between a horrible ride and a reasonably comfortable one. The Sleeper Agents may try to invade your space, but they are reasonably easy to repel most of the time.

Having a seat usually gives two hands free to pick up the iPad, book, gaming device or phone to read a magazine, book, play a game or watch a movie compared to how both hands often are needed when standing just to be able to remain standing due to the ebb and flow of the passengers as the train accelerates, brakes, twist and turn. The seat is sacred and worth fighting for. Experienced Subway Warriors know this and respect what the seat stands for and the personal space it provides.

However, one Commuter Terrorist that you can encounter is the Dive Bomber... The Dive bomber sees an open seat next to you, often an available seat with limited space between two sitting Subway Warriors. The Dive Bomber turns around and very ungracefully dumps his ass (female Dive Bombers are very rare as most a larger than average body size is required) with horrible accuracy, half ending up in your lap with quite some force, before he roughly goes ahead to squeeze himself down in the seat. Sometimes some Terrorists starts off as Dive Bombers and when comfortably squeezed in the seat, turn into Sleeper Agents...

On the other hand, inexperienced commuters can often be identified by how carefully they check behind them (often profusely apologizing) and lower their behind in slow-motion, careful to not accidentally touch any of the passengers on either side of the seat they are targeting. These amateurs are slightly annoying but at least try to do their best to not invade any personal space.

However a true Subway Warrior has perfected the sitting down into a work of art. You can tell an experienced Subway Warrior from the way he/she sits down in a seat with limited space. Basically the move from standing to basically pouring oneself down in the seat in one fluid motion, quickly and if brushing the persons on either side ever so slightly, quickly compensating to just pour into place.

For those of you reading this and are dedicated to the Way of the Subway Warrior, my advice to you on how to master the art of sitting down on the train is: 

Don't get set into one form, adapt it and build your own, and let it grow, be like Teflon. Empty your mind, be formless, frictionless — like Teflon. Be Teflon, my friend. 

How about this; instead of doing it at home, maybe you should just try and stop?

Since a while ago, probably at least a year, the Tokyo Metropolitan subway has been running a poster campaign to try and improve the manners of the users of the subway. Nothing particularly wrong with the general idea since some of my fellow travellers can be more than a little annoying on occasion.

The images and the concept itself is really dorky and I know that it has been made fun of plenty among foreign bloggers here in Tokyo and that many Japanese people find it ridicilous. And it's hard to disagree, the posters are ridicilous and beg to be made fun of. But on the other hand, as a professional in the marketing communications business, I must say that I believe that they most likely have been very successful in achieving what they are meant to do; they do make people think of their behaviour and make people aware that certain activities are not appreciated by fellow travellers. In any case, you can take a look here and make up your own mind.

But I have the feeling that they are now starting to run out of inspiration, but are reluctant to kill the campaign just yet and want to milk the attention these posters get, just a little bit more. The latest one you can see here above; it portraits something that looks like a salaryman completely drunk, lost one shoe and lying on the dirty floor of the subway platform with empty cans surrounding him and even if the picture does not contain it, I'm sure there's plenty of vomit everywhere as well. And then the text says "Please do it at home".

My immediate reaction is that this is not a behaviour that is especially good for anyone in the long run and that perhaps this guy should try to cut down a little and not do this in the subway stations, at his own home or any other location? Shoes are not cheap either.

I can see how this concept can be taken to even further heights adding some on the theme of "don't do this at all, anywhere, ever" instead and some concept that could be used are of course smoking meth when you are a famous celebrity and got everything to lose, not calling the ambulance when that nude hooker you were partying with has OD:ed, gassing the subway with sarin gas, rape-murder English teachers and then run from the police, vote for the LDP or whatever you can imagine. Eidan - the ball is on your side now, run with it!

Down in fiery pits of Tokyo – The Oedo line

Generally I’m a pretty big fan of the public transportation system in Tokyo . The sheer number of subway and train lines in Tokyo and the surrounding areas can be quite intimidating in the beginning, especially if you’re from a small town like Stockholm with basically four subway lines all going in different directions with very little overlapping. Sure, unless you happen to have some form of special gifts, I don’t think anyone ever really “learns” the whole network of trains and subways, but a number of search tools like on yahoo and other places usually make it pretty easy to plan the fastest and best route to a destination without too much trouble.

In central Tokyo , the three main train operators are the Japan Railways commuter trains, the Toei Subway and the private Tokyo Metro subway system operating a large number of different lines. From a very practical standpoint, the JR trains go on the ground and the Toei and Metro trains go underground, but they are all reliable, reasonably cheap and convenient. With one big exception…

Just a few years back, Toei started a new line called the Oedo line, from a theoretical standpoint, the line made perfect sense. It created easier access to some areas in Tokyo where you had to do a few complicated changes to get to before. Sometimes when I look up the most convenient route to a destination, the Oedo line comes up as an alternative and at a few rare occasions when I haven’t taken it in quite a while I opt for that route, something that I usually quickly regret.

So, what’s the problem? The line is new, so the stations and platforms are usually very clean and has a nice design, the trains are of course crowded during rush hour, but not more than any other line in central Tokyo. The problem is that to fit the subway in with the other lines that operate in central Tokyo, the line had to be built pretty far down underground making it a real hassle getting down to the platform after passing the gates. The other day I stupidly thought it would be a good idea to change for the Oedo line since it seemed like the fastest route but what I failed to take into the calculations was that getting down to the platform took almost ten minutes and five set of stairs and then after arriving at my destination, I had to scale five escalators and trek for another ten minutes to breathe the air of freedom… I do hate the Oedo line…

Subway Groping - A Beginner's Guide

Perhaps the title of this post is a little misleading since my experience in actual groping unfortunately is extremely limited to only the occasional involuntary crotch pressing incident, so I cannot give any advice in how to perform the actual groping.

However, I do have seen quite a few reports on TV on subway and train groping and how they have apprehended suspected gropers and thought I could share some of the knowledge I have picked up from there. In order to become a genuine subway groper I believe that the following steps would be the best way to go:

1. Be Unemployed


2. Spend the rush hour time in mornings going back and forth between a couple of extremely crowded stations


3. Grope


4. When caught "bare-handed" by some resourceful girl who gets assistance by a few larger salarymen in getting you off the train and into the care of the station police, continuously cry in panic "what are you doing, I haven't done anything?! Let me go!!!"


5. When taken into custody continue to loudly exclaim your innocence, cry profusely


6. When confronted with evidence or just breaking down, continue cry and scream "I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to! Can't you just let me go?! Please, please, I'm so sorry! I have never ever done this before"


7. When/if confronted with having stalked the stations on multiple occassions continue to cry and deny "No, that's not me, I only did it this once, I'm so sorry, please just let me go"


8. When confronted with evidence or just breaking down, continue cry and scream "I'm so sorry! Can't you just let me go?! Please, please, I'm so sorry! I'll stop doing this, I promise!!!"


9. A month or so later, start operations all over again on other subway line and stations


10. (Go back to step 3)

Remember the steps above and you will fit in well with the typical Japanese train groper and who knows, if you get caught on TV, at least you'll represent the hobby very well!

Commuter Terrorists - The sleeper Agent

Give her a Bag Battering and she'll wake up!

The Sleeper Agent is one of the most basic enemies you will encounter in the commuter war. They're basically cannon fodder and basic grunts that pose no real threat to an experienced Subway Warrior. However they can be highly annoying to deal with. The sleeper agents come in all shapes and can be young, or old, male or female. 

What the Sleeper Agent does is sleep. He/she likes to sleep during the commute and particularly likes to do so when sitting next to you. He/she often finds the lack of pillows on the train inconvenient but makes up for this oversight by using the person next to him/her instead. The sleeper agent typically start nodding off slowly and carefully, probing the ground before a full on assault. It starts with a head briefly brushing against your hand or shoulder and then returning to the upright position as the person seem to be aware that he/she might be causing some discomfort to the subject. However, if you do not strongly mark your territory another intrusion is sure to occur. Depending on the aggressor it can be a series of brushes lasting slightly longer and longer or it can be an immediate and full on "head on shoulder" invasion to the precious private space on the train.

I have now successfully fended off these annoying combatants on a regular basis and the key is to put down your foot early and scare off any further attempts. The basic move that I perform when a sleeper agent is probing the ground is the "Quick Shoulder Shrug". The move consists of a quick shoulder shrug, keeping the body apart from the shoulder perfectly still. Speed is also of essence, it should be performed quickly without any other visible sign of annoyance; you should keep reading that book, playing with your phone or whatever it is you're doing. Often this move is all it takes to scare the aggressor off, either waking them up or going for easier prey on the other side.

The move is sure to at least temporarily stave off any attempts but in many cases once is not enough in which case I repeat the move, a little harder each time until the aggression is halted or more radical moves are deemed required.

One move that is also available is the "Fake Surrender" where I pretend to give in to the invasion for a few minutes lulling the sleeper into a false security then I suddenly do the "Oops I dropped something on the floor and need to pick it up" and in an instant remove the stable ground from the aggressor. On rare very successful occasions this can cause the sleeper to free fall to the seat behind you and is sure to both wake them up an shame them into submission. Remember to look at them afterwards like you think he/she is crazy to amp up the shame a notch.

There are times when the Shoulder Shrug is not enough to scare off determined aggressors and the Fake Surrender is not suitable. Those are the times I take to weapons to hold my ground! My weapon of choice is my business bag that I usually have in my lap during the train rides. I first slyly move my upper body slightly away from the aggressor who slowly follows in hope of regaining its new found pillow. Due to the magic of gravity it usually means that the aggressor also leans slightly forward, I wait for a few precious seconds, move the bag in my lap slightly towards the aggressor and then quickly pump my knee upwards in a quick movement lunging the bag quick and hard against the vulnerable face of the aggressor. This move basically always work leaving the aggressor semi-awake and in pain without realising exactly what really happened. I call this move the "Bag Battering".

Again, during all this, I can't stress the importance enough of acting like everything is perfectly fine. The reason for this is to avoid escalating the conflict to a train rage incidence. After all, these moves are highly effective but should only ever be used in self defence when all peaceful options has been exhausted.

However, there are times when even I surrender, either by getting up and standing or let the invasion run its course... The Drunk Sleeper Agent is the most fearsome type as they are particularly insensitive to pain, reek of sweat and alcohol and are unrelenting in their invasion attempts; The Terminators of the Sleeper Agents if you will. Know when to run and when to make a stand! Another fearsome scenario is having Sleeper Agents on both sides simultaneously attempting an invasion forcing you to fight a war on two fronts...

Remember the first rule of the Subway Warrior: There are no innocents and all aggressors should be dealt with extreme prejudice, women and men alike are fair game. The only people who should be spared are younger children (teenagers are fair game!) and frail elderly. This might sound hard and merciless, but that is the way of the Subway Warrior! Some of the most toughest Subway Warriors are women, so keep that in mind and show no mercy.

Can't you at least pretend that it's a bit exclusive?

Now during the summer months, the fast food chain Subway has a bit of a limited time Hawaiian theme going on here in Japan with some "Aloha Subway" campaign. As we frequented one of their chains recently Mrs. Sunshine thought it would be nice to try out their "Tropical Tea" (yep, the one you see in the picture) at a price of 250 yen for a relatively small cup of it.

After ordering, without one once of shame in her, the lady at the register takes out a package of the cheap ass "Top Value" brand pineapple juice (which I'm sure that Subway buys in bulk at less than 50 yen/litre) and basically fills the glass with it and then adding, maybe 10% of some tea on top of the juice to bring out the color...

Ok, I know that calling fast-food chains on making a lot of money of their softdrinks is not really anything revolutionary, but for that price and the campaign, they could at least have pretended that it was something more than top value juice with a sprinkle of tea...

Sluts, Madame and hags, a trip through the girls of Tokyo with the Ginza line

Something like thi
The Ginza line is probably the subway I hate the most apart from the Oedo line. If I don't have my facts completely messed up, I believe it's the oldest subway of Tokyo. Not old in a good "oh, I feel the wings of history" way, but old in a bad way like that half crazy old lady in your neighbourhood. The stations are old, dirty with low ceilings make them a bit claustrophobic. Also the stations were built at a time when hundreds of thousands of Salarymen did not yet experience the joy of the morning commute through the subway, so the trains are short with few cars and thus almost always crowded, even off peek hours.

But I can at least handle this train line, I don't enjoy using it but it does it's job in getting me from point A to point B quickly. The interesting thing about the Ginza line is how it starts from Shibuya, goes all the way through central Tokyo, including the posh Ginza district and stops at Asakusa, part of the old Tokyo. 

It also makes it quiet interesting to see how the clientele of female passengers changes as the train goes from Shibuya though Ginza. The girls getting on in Shibuya consists mostly of the "fashionably slutty" (for "trashy slutty" you need to go to Shinjuku) young girls into the "gal"-fashion. But as the train make it's through Tokyo the "gals" start to get replaced with the more posh and elegant Ginza ladies crowd with expensive brand handbags and elegant fashion sense. The point where the to types of women mix is a fascinating, albeit brief time, it's almost like seeing two worlds collide. Two things that are not meant to meet, something like seeing lions and zebras play or like a silver age JLA/JSA crossover.
Then as the train goes further, again the females change from the Giza ladies to the regular mix of Tokyo girls and women and then finally into the old hags of Asakusa. It really is a fascinating journey of girls/women to take. It should be noted that the salarymen are exactly the same across the whole line so it might not be as an interesting journey for the ladies...

...not really dry, but not really wet either... kinda ... moist?

Coming back again to the topic of the subway in Japan, but this summer, the private Metro subway have in some stations placed this interesting contraptions in the platform (look at the picture), the purpose of these devices is to shower the poor commuters with cold water in a mist. As I understand it the purpose is to cool down people now in the hot summer months, a note on the machine states that it will be in function from early August to some time in September (ominously enough no concrete date is set in September...).

I'm not sure if it's just me, but these machines does not really have a cooling effect on me, instead they have the effect of annoying me as they spray me with the mist as I am passing by. For some reason the people in charge thought it was good to put up another note saying "standing for longer time under the moisturizer will make you wet". I have figured that out on my own and that's just through quickly passing through them...

Then there's the person I've seen a few times, he looks like the worst Akihabara has to offer in terms of overweight badly dressed anime otaku, always eating some form of bread he has bought at the convenience store, holding the plastic wrapping in one hand, the bread in the other, chewing with an open mouth right in front of the moisturizer. He annoys me almost as much as the device, especially since navigating through both him and the machine on the way to my preferred waiting spot is annoying.

Well, in any case, they should be gone by October at least I hope... Maybe they will be replaced by steam engines blowing hot steam in our faces by December? I think I'd prefer that...

Count the little blessings...

No Picard, it just looks douchy!

Sometimes I feel like I've been living so long here in Japan now that I've stopped appreciating the little everyday things. I'm of course talking about the people walking around with bluetooth headsets for their mobile phones permanently plugged into the ear that are very common in the old country and I also saw quite a few of when I recently visited the USA...

I was reminded of it the other day in the subway when I saw a westerner walking around with such a headset and how immensely douchebaggy you look with one of those. I can understand that such a device might be helpful if you're working in a call center, but wearing it in the subway (where reception will be fluctuating between bad and nothing) just make you look like a clown.

So, I guess I should enjoy the fact that I live in a country where it's considered douchy and odd to use one of those unless you're driving. Sometimes it's the little things that count!

All my friends on the way to the train

As a salaryman, I obviously take a crowded subway to and from my main habitat; the office where I have my small salaryman desk and chair in the office landscape. To walk to my station from my apartment takes around 10 minutes with a comfortable pace and the path I walk is not that heavily trafficked which means that I basically know the faces of the people I will meet on my trek. Since I know nothing of these people they get their own nicknames subconsciously in my head. A few of the people I meet are “White Blouse girl” who, obviously, always wear a white blouse and otherwise look pretty bland, “Angry Lady” who always looks angry and walks very fast, “Dumpy Suit Guy” is a sad looking old Salaryman with a dumpy suit and way too big glasses, then there’s also “Heavy Make-Up Girl”, “Freaky Old Guy”, “Looks-like-crackhead creepy old Lady” among my rouges gallery I encounter on my way to the station.

Because these characters are part of my overall morning routine, I rely more on them than I do on my watch regarding the timing to my train. If I happen to meet one of them earlier than usually; I automatically assume that I am early, if I meet them later; I assume that I am a bit late and pick up the pace. For some reason I never assume that they would happen to be late or early…

Where I lived earlier, there was this train I always waited for and the biggest check-point for me to know whether I was early or late was “Obese Duck Girl” (who, I’m sure is a really nice person, but she was slightly obese and her mouth for some reason reminded me of a duck and she often wore yellow clothes) who rode in the same train cart on the train before the one I wanted to take. So I always waited at the station home until she had passed with her train, it was actually very convenient. I remember once, during a weekend as I was walking through Shinjuku station (which is not my commuting station) and among the crowds, for a few seconds ended up face to face with Obese Duck Girl by complete chance, we both looked each other in the eyes for a brief moment and I think we both were about to greet each other until we realized that we actually didn’t know each other at all and it would be strange to say hello. The subway is interesting indeed...

I have become what I despise!

Yesterday as I was making my way from the office to the subway station Tokyo had a quite unusual bout of heavy snowfall... As I was making my way out of the building and seeing all the people with their umbrellas out walking around, in pure instinct I pulled out my own umbrella and used it as I was heading out in the street...

It wasn't really until I basically had reached the subway station that I realized what I had done... I have loudly complained about the usage of umbrellas here in Japan when it's snowing time and time again and despite my strong opinions on this subject, without realizing it, I had become one of them...

When I reached my station and the snow had turned to hail mixed with snow and hail I really wanted to use the umbrella but felt so disgusted with myself because of my betrayal of all that's good and sensible that I put my head down and walked straight through it.

Is this how it starts? Little by little I start slipping, I'm just glad that I still had senses enough to realize what I had done... I feel dirty and ashamed of myself...

(bonus points to anyone who know who the interesting fellow in the picture is!)

Deep Deep Underground - The Commuter Battlegrounds



In the Subway at 2AM anything goes...

When you lived a bunch of years in Tokyo like I have, you develop some form of relationship with the network of subways in central Tokyo. Although the regular JR train lines (the JR lines do not go underground) might have some small variances (I do enjoy in particular the silent English lessons on the Yamanote line tv screens) they're basically the same wherever you go in central Tokyo.

The subway though is different and even though most of the lines are operated by the same company, Toei Metro, they still have a distinct "personality" based on the time they were built and the areas they go through. The train line I hate the most is without doubt the relatively new Oedo line which is built so deep underground that you pass through Hell, Hades and Hel before finally reaching the train platform. Usually the trek from the sunny surface to finally reaching the train takes longer than the time you actually need to ride on the train.

To it's benefit, I must admit that the stations are usually very nice and clean and in some of the vast corridors they have some fancy artificial sunlight effect going. Also, all the stations are equipped with barriers and automated gates, probably having saved thousands of drunken salarymen from a sordid death through falling on the tracks. Also, probably even more significantly, this has probably saved Toei a lot of money as they could reduce the corpse cleaning crew.

Still, it doesn't matter, I still hate the Oedo line. It does go through some fancy areas but that just makes me hate it even more as I might need to occasionally use it...  I often go out of my way to avoid this line, sometimes making both elaborate and innovative train switches...

As you might have figured out, to follow up on my commuter terrorists series, I will also guide you a little through the battlegrounds of the commuter war, starting here with the Oedo Line. Up next; The Ginza line: Sluts and money

A war of cultures – Let them eat cake

As we have entered into December and we are now getting closer to Christmas and getting a little into the Christmas atmosphere; Japanese style, more based on tacky over the top illuminations than traditional Christmas markets or anything authentically Christmassy, in the eyes of Eurotrash such as me. But still, it's starting to feel like Christmas and all the presents to the family back home has now been sent (including the santa rapist/wrestler/robber mask; “don't ever wear that stupid mask again it scares the hell out of me” as Mrs. Sunshine-Salaryman told me when I was wearing it just for comfort as I was walking around the home minding my own business).

As we were walking in a subway station and taking the escalator to the surface the other day, we notice the advertisements on the walls showing the greatest and latest “Christmas cakes” that you needed to reserve at the local fancy department store to be guaranteed one in time for Christmas. It should be mentioned that what goes as “Christmas cakes” locally here in Japan usually is nothing more than regular cakes that would work just as well for a birthday. Perhaps, and only perhaps a small edible santa might be included somewhere on the cake. As we pass them Mrs. Sunshine blurts out “oh, these Christmas cakes look so nice, I home mom gets one just like that for our Christmas dinner” and for a brief moment I am ready to go to cultural war again since those cakes have nothing to do with Christmas in my Swedish eyes...

But then, in a rare moment of clarity, I realize that in terms of actual tastiness, the Christmas cakes here taste a lot better than most of the stuff that goes as “traditional Christmas food” in Sweden and I lay down my arms and reply “you know, this is really a Japanese custom and nothing that is Christmas related to me, but sure, let's have lots of cake”. Peace reigns supreme.

Let them eat cake!

Commuter Terrorists – The Blocker

As I am a salaryman, my primary means of transportation is of course, the subway and commuter trains. I use this to and from work as well as to appointments outside the office with outside parties (customers, suppliers, whatever). To say that I like the trains would be pushing it, but they are quick and effective means of transportation, especially compared to taxis which can end up quite costly and time consuming.

Taking a train during the day or weekends is usually no big deal, it’s pretty easy and not too crowded and for longer trips you usually can sit down as well. The problem is during the rush hours where the trains are crowded, smelly, humid and hot. However, as this is the only reasonable way and humans are quick to adapt this pretty quickly becomes routine and something you accept as a part of daily life, but not necessarily like.

But… there are some types of people that makes the commute a lot more unpleasant than it has to be and I thought I should start a brief series about these people that disturb my otherwise peaceful commute. This first time I thought I should mention “The Blocker” (note that “the public porno reader” who so annoys many female commuters will not be included in this series since I find them pretty entertaining, they usually look… a little less than savvy…)

The Blocker is usually a middle aged woman, looking like she is not commuting to work, probably is taking the train on another errand and is not used to commuting in rush hours (us Salarymen have evolved into some form of hivemind most of the time and automatically fall in line into proper commuting manners). The problem comes up when I enter the train and, like all veteran commuters, I try to get into the “corridor” of the train in front of the seats. This has a few purposes; 1. it frees up space for people coming in after me 2. It allows me to put my bag up on the shelf or at least be lined up for it if I end up behind someone, and finally 3. It puts me in a pole position to sit down later on if the person sitting in front of me gets off before me.

The Blocker is usually standing at the “entrance” to the corridor blocking the path into it and forcing me to stand in the vicinity of the doors, which is commuting hell since you have to move at every station to let people out and in. The Blocker usually has lots of space behind her in the corridor but is not receptive to the thought that people might want to get past her into the peaceful corridor of the train. You could think that this is a strategy from her since she’s getting off at a station close by and does not want to move back and forth from the depths of the “corridor” too much, but this is not always the case. On many cases have I’ve seen a blocker ride over 10 stations…

I have not yet found a good solution to this issue, the only thing that actually seem to work is to pretty violently try to push your way through, but a good blocker doesn't care and resists.

Coming up next: "The Hanger"

Canceled trains...

OK, I probably should begin with saying that I actually really like the public transportation system in central Tokyo. The trains go on time and if they happen to be one minute late they profoundly apologize for it (where I come from trains can be delayed hours at end without any form of apology...). The semi-public JR (Japan Railways) train company work very well with the different private subway lines and train lines that are available. Basically, if nothing happens, taking the train is a breeze!

If you have problems with crowds it makes sense to stay out of the rush hours though since things can be pretty messy... For myself, I'm such a veteran now that I hardly raise my eyebrows or hesitate to enter a train that, for the untrained eye, would look fully packed. It's usually relatively brief and not too bad unless you happen to end up next to a homeless guy or a drunk.

Yesterday though really tested me... The main line I take to and from work is called the Yamanote-line (any readers familiar with Japan most likely knows of this line). It is a very convenient line that circles the central areas of Tokyo and the trains come with a frequency of a few minutes, so there's hardly ever any concern about waiting in case you happen to miss a train.

However, yesterday an accident had occured just by the time I was going home and the whole line stood still for several hours. Instead of the Yamanote-line, they referred us to another line that took a similar route, which might have been ok I thought and actually went to that platform... I actually stood in line for that train for several minutes until I realized that I would never survive such a train ride, the amount of people waiting to get into that train was overwhelming...

People going to prison have more relaxed train rides than that, with the risk of being distasteful and stepping over some unseen boundaries I almost think that the trains to Auswitsch were carrying a lighter load of people per capita than that train would have.

In the end, I took a taxi home... Wouldn't you?

No! Stop the groping!

As I have previously discussed a little, groping is a problem with the crowded Japanese trains (as discussed here). I guess it would be wrong to label it a problem of mine as I neither grope or get groped, at least deliberately.

In order to stop this rampant groping, the different subway and train lines launch some advertisement campaigns with regular intervals and I found this new little sign quite interesting (see the picture). It says in big letters "Groping is a crime!" and features a quite happy looking female with a big envelope (I wonder what's inside?) and the outline of a man in a train with his hands in his pockets and a big "NO!" written all over him.

.

I have difficulties in finding out what I'm supposed to do after seeing this ad... Should I avoid standing by the doors with my hands in my pockets or should I limit my groping to women with envelopes? This requires some further contemplation.

Springtime time for EBM

For some reason, spring time usually brings with it a certain music nostalgia for classic EBM (Electronic Body Music) and the recent days I've been going through my iTunes library bringing out tunes from such old classics such as A;Gruhm, Poesie Noire, A Split Second, Front 242, Die Krupps, Frontline Assembly, The Neon Judgement, KMFDM and other such classic bands. Does anyone but me actually own a full album by Borghesia?

However, the conclusion is usually the same when I realize that A Split Second actually really sucked, The Neon Judgement's only really good song was "Chinese Black" (Ok, you could argue that "TV treated" also is good), A;Gruhm was more funny (in that fat gay man way) than actually produced great music and that the old Die Krupps only really great songs were "Wahre Arbeit wahren Lohn" and "Machineries of Joy" (and that's probably only because Nitzer Ebb helped anyway).

But I also get floored by Front 242 and how great their albums "Front by Front" and "Tyranny for You" were and how well they still hold up now almost 20 years later, trying to not "sing" along in the samples and dance in the subway, also it reminds me how great FLA were with "Tactical Neural Implant" and how cool I thought the voice on the song "Victim" on the "Caustic Grip" sounded back in the day. Also, in my head I'm trying to pinpoint the exact time that KMFD lost "it" (probably just after the "Symbols" album) and started producing crappy metal...

You might wonder why I don't mention Laibach and Nitzer Ebb as well, but the truth is that I always kept on listening to those albums, so they don't carry that much of nostalgia to me.

Well, I think this nostalgic wave is over for now and I guess it'll be calm until next autumn when I dig out the old Sisters of Mercy, Fields of the Nephilim and Catherines Cathedral songs!

Ok, normally I would be against racial profiling...

If you look carefully, you can see him spitting

This morning, as I was making my merry way to the new office from the subway station I was very surprised to see the way packed with people standing in line for some sale or opening of a new one of the big Japanese electronic stuff store (can't remember if it was BicCamera, Yamada, Yodobashi or whatnot, doesn't really matter though).

I basically had to elbow my way against the tide and from the look of the people it seemed like a mix of mostly Japanese but also a quite significant number of Chinese tourists looking to spend some cash on Japanese electronics. I guess this means that nuclear scare that washed over the rest of Asia has calmed down now and they're coming back to pour their needed money into the limp Japanese economy.

To try and keep some form of order, employees of the store were spread out with a few meters distance with signs pointing in the right direction for the crowd to move in (not that it was moving an inch as far as I could see). But what I found quite amusing was that among the directional signs were also one employee with a sign saying "Please do not spit on the ground", first in Japanese and then under it in Chinese. The thing though is that basically noone spits here in Japan (apart from rebellious kids and Yakuza/Yakuza-wannabees and they very well know that it's not perceived as a nice thing to do) while it's more or less normal in many other Asian countries obviously including China (but to be fair, I haven't seen it in Singapore or Hong Kong and feel a bit unsure about Taiwan).

Ok, I have to give it to them, they did a real effort in not pointing anyone out by having it written in Japanese first, followed by Chinese. A sensitivity that I've rarely seen anywhere else, but I also have the feeling that in this particular case, they might as well had it just in Chinese...

"Major earthquake Imminent" Alarms...

The Japanese mobile phones have a quite good emergency warning service for impending quakes, sending out a loud alarm siren like signal and e-mail warning when a new strong quake has been predicted. The purpose is obviously to make sure that people can put themselves in safety before the quake hits, the problem is that the advance warning is so incredibly short, between 5-30 seconds that you have no time whatsoever to make funeral arrangements or say good bye to the loved ones.

If you happen to be in a reasonably safe place, you can get time to dive under a desk, grab some necessities and head outside or under a doorway or so, but my big issue is when the alarm comes when you are in a location you *REALLY* don't want to be in, such as in the subway with nowhere to escape within half a minute...

That most of the quakes that has come after these alarms have turned out to be quite minor ones is also a bit frustrating since the alarms induce cold sweat and mild panic in me in case in it would be another BIG one but then just ending up as minor farts giving it a bit of an anti-climax (in a good way though, but some decent panic build up completely for nothing).

Otherwise, not much to report other than can be seen on the news. The "rolling planned black-outs" that were supposed to start from this morning have not materilized for some reason, keeping us in the dark as to why they're not keeping us in the dark (witty, huh?).

The Unique Japan

I've lived in Japan over ten years now and have gotten used to life here since long ago. So there is rarely times when I see or experience something and think "wow, this is something that I could only experience in Japan". But there are somethings that still make an impression on me without fail, unique Japanese things that I could never experience anywhere except for Japan.

Visually I would say that walking through a busy street looking for a client's office and coming upon a small hidden away serene temple is one of those thing that really strikes me as completely Japanese. Another one is getting up from the subway into the busy nightlife area of Shinjuku at night, seeing all the neon signs and the complete mix of people stumbling around the street. These things are something you could never experience anywhere outside Japan.

Audially I think it's a tie between all the female robot voices talking to you  in Japanese from every machine and the busy noise in a Japanese izakaya of people screaming orders, laughing and the general happy noise. You could would never experience this anywhere outside Japan.

Something like this, if all the men were drunk on cheap liqour

Olfactory (or "smell" for those of you who might not have English as a first language) The most Japanese smell that I know is that of a late night commuting train packed with people. The smell is a mix of old man, stale sweat and cheap liquor all mixed into one very unique odour that could never be experienced anywhere outside Japan. The mix sounds disgusting, and it is, but after being immersed in it for 5 minutes I find it somewhat soothing. This is a very unique Japanese smell and I doubt I could experience it anywhere else. Out of the senses listed, I would probably name this the most "uniquely Japanese" sensory experience.

So if you come to Japan and want to have an unique experience, take a late train on a weekend, heading out from the city towards the suburbs and make sure that you are completely sober for the full experience!